Help, I'm Alive.

When you wear your heart on your sleeves.

2011-10-01T04:30:00.002+08:00

"Tell that one person than you like them, what's the worst that can happen? He doesn't like you back. Then he doesn't deserve you anyways, right?"

Sometimes, it takes more than a "you deserve someone better" to actually accept rejection. What if you really liked that guy and him saying "No." killed you to the core. For this case, "putting yourself out there, confessing all your emotions, and if it doesn't work out then fine, you move on." just won't do the trick. Hurts to the core.

NOONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

2011-05-07T15:53:00.001+08:00

I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS BLOG NOW!

2011-04-09T18:11:00.002+08:00

That will soon take effect after I'm done procrastinating. x

It's a full moon tonight.

2011-03-20T03:26:00.004+08:00

I still haven't figured out what I should post here and what makes this different from my Tumblr. It's pretty confusing where I should store my thoughts and just random stuff. I post a lot on my Tumblr. But mostly reblogs from other Tumblogs and pictures from my photobooth I find funny and interesting to post. My tumblr has a comment area and people could "like" my stuff there and in here, I don't really get any interactions with my readers (if I have any.) If only I knew how to open the comments here. Send me a message if you wanna help me.

So anyways, it's a full moon tonight. The twitterverse calls it #supermoon and that's just ridiculous. It's very beautiful and calling it "supermoon" is like a kid calling Leonardo da Vinci's art, just a picture. It is very bright and big from where I'm seeing it right now. And I'm very lucky that I don't have to go outside and take a good look at it because I can see it right outside my bedroom window! How sweet is that? Tonight I'm not using my lamp because the moon's light is giving me just the right light to illuminate my room. It's really pretty. I wish I could take a picture, but the only available camera I have right now is the one from my laptop and I won't give it justice if I just use that. So this view is basically just for my pleasure only. ;) I also learned that the last time the moon was this bright was eighteen years ago. I was born eighteen years ago so I think I'm special. Leave me alone with my bubble. :)

Tomorrow, most of my closest friends from Silliman are graduating. Blanche, Joop, Haroun and Steph. I am beyond excited and happy and terrified because they're finally graduating and they're finally done with college and all their hardwork paid off, but I am also terrified (who wouldn't be?) because they're going off to the real cruel world and they're gonna look for jobs. And that shit is crazy. I care too much for my friends. They mean the entire galaxy to me and I hope wherever they go in the future, I hope they're happy with whatever decisions they make. I will always wish them the best in life and I'll always, ALWAYS support them no matter what.

Here's the video I made for them :)

I bought two large fries from Mcdo because it's my freedom day today (freedom day: eat whatever you want, do whatever makes you happy. regret tomorrow.) and it felt amazing! I only do freedom day like once or twice a month, thrice when I really need to. I also watched The King's Speech but half way through the movie I fell asleep. I hate it when I do that! But I promise I'll watch it again though.

I also didn't do any homeworks today! Yeyah! I have a lot actually, but who cares? It's my freedom day.

And lastly, I'm still hating on this Rebecca Black bullshit spreading all over the interweb. She's a Top Trending Topic in Twitter for a week now! That is just ridiculous. How do people tolerate this madness? And the worst part? I'm starting to sing the song unconsciously while I'm in the shower. Oh god, somebody slap me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FERNANDO TORRES! ♡

go to my formspring if you have comments or stuff. Have a great week! x

I wonder if someone checks my blog everyday.

2011-03-14T04:12:00.003+08:00

It's my first day of specialism class tomorrow or I think later since I'm so excited I can't sleep. It is now 4:13AM and I'm still Tumblr-ing. I can't get enough of all these Rebecca Black gif.'s. This girl is just absolutely ridiculous, she should be shot dead in the face. If you guys haven't seen her video, you should! I won't put the vid here cause my blog's too cool for that. HAHA! Just go on youtube.com and search for Friday by Rebecca Black.

oh wait.... This blog is hidden/ I have no readers/ viewers. Lame.

Kbye.

How do you pray if you are an atheist.

2011-03-11T21:00:00.003+08:00

"An atheist’s most embarrassing moment is when he feels profoundly thankful for something,but can’t think of anyone to thank for it...." - Mary Anne Vincent

Or when she/he feels the need to help a country or someone in trouble but can't think of anything to confide in.

I am an Agnostic Atheist and that is what I'm dealing with right now. Instead of giving prayers for the Philippines and other countries that might get affected by the current world crisis, I am sitting here infront of my laptop with 22 other tabs researching about what the fuck should I do with my situation!

"These people honestly believe that only good things come from God. Anything bad is from the Devil or from Man. It never occurs to them that, according to their own religion, God created both Man and the Devil, so either way, He's responsible."

- http://www.bee.net/cardigan/attic/013098.htm

So yeah.

March and the British Flag.

2011-03-10T16:28:00.006+08:00

I have this really huge obsession of the British Flag so I did a painting of it for my collage project for drawing class. I know it's suppose to be landscape size and I also know mine's really fat so just leave me alone with my own version of it. Thanks. :) And no ruler was used in the making of this flag so don't lecture me with lines. I'm not a perfectionist.

P.S. 80% done. Wanna add a few more details to this and make it personal.

I was scanning around Tumblr.com when I saw this photo. Look at that, ain't that a beaut? I did some google search about how I can get that same skin on my mac but none of the online shops are good enough or trusty worthy enough for me to place an order. Everything costs like over 70 bucks. And I wasn't sure if they have skins available for the new macs (a transparent hole for the backlit ones) so if you're reading this and you know a site, please please let me know. ☺

... and of course I just had to post a picture of Alex Day. He's british. He's good-looking. Leave me alone.

I am finally done with my assessment! That means I'm done with all of my projects and I have an entire week free before school starts. I have so many books that I've been dying to start reading so I'm excited and basically a happy cupcake right now. Speaking of cupcakes, I've been craving for pancakes lately but my flatmates are always not here and I'm usually not the type to complain when I go out by myself (been doing that for the last 7 months now) but it's just not fun eating pancakes alone. I really miss having my close friends around but hey, two months to go and I'll be flying back home again (home: where friends are everywhere and i get to eat pancakes with nine or more friends).

I can't believe it's already March! School went by so fast and starting next week, I'll be studying my specialism. My friend Siti (the only person I am close to at school) is going to a different course (she's going to fine arts and i'm going to fashion communication) and I'm really terrified. I've been hearing rumors that people from the fashion department are all like in cliques and stuff and they can get really mean and choosy. I hate that. I hate pretentious people. I guess everyday's gonna be a struggle for me to fit in. I don't like fitting in. But society's been shoving that to all of our faces that we can't anymore control what we are becoming.

Wish me luck? I really like to graduate and still be the same girl from my hometown (but with better outlook on life.)

Wishes and suggestions here. ❣

WAIT! I just need to post this here! Too funny not to post. This guy I met in my BlogTv channel posted something on my Facebook wall. And I'm sorry, I just had to do this... HAHAHA =))

I look tired all the time. Even when smiling.

2011-03-01T20:24:00.004+08:00

PROCRASTINATING LIKE IT'S MY JOB!

2011-02-28T17:31:00.003+08:00

Indonesia, what have you done? My body misses you. I miss you.

GEEZ Mind out of the gutter people. I'm just really sick of school!

YOU THERE! We need to talk!

http://www.formspring.me/reeekamazingg

Too lazy to talk. I have photos.

2011-02-26T23:04:00.004+08:00

Nirwana Beach Club, Bintan Island, Indonesia.

Fountain of Wealth at Suntec City, Singapore.

The Largest Fountain in the World.

I did a couple of collages with the photos I took of Siti at a bookshop.

Oh and if you have something to say or questions and stuff. Leave a message at my Formspring coz I don't know how to enable comments in my blogger. :)

http://www.formspring.me/reeekamazingg

I entertain anons. They're fun. ;)

I'm going to class with my face all red and burning.

2011-02-22T13:01:00.003+08:00

This is how my face reacts after a full day of frolicking on the beach.

Dibs on war bonnets!

2011-02-21T20:21:00.000+08:00

War bonnets

My current obsession!

FFDN!

2011-02-21T10:08:00.000+08:00

My friends back home sent me a photo last night. So sweet. I miss them so much! :(

The acronym FFDN stands for Friends From Different Nations. And yes, it's pretty much self explanatory.

We have a shirt because we're a pretty legit group. Hahaha :D

Horror-scopes.

2011-02-21T09:26:00.000+08:00

I just read my horoscope for this month from one of my favorite magazines. And it says, "You will experience the true meaning of Valentine's Day."

here's my face.

I'm still smiling because I had a good time in Indonesia. :)

2011-02-20T19:27:00.000+08:00

If I was in a room and there are people talking to me, and the TV is on, there's music playing and there's a book in my hand, I'd probably be watching the TV and everything else are just some stuff that are there to disturb my viewing experience. If there's a TV in the room, no matter what I'm doing, 100% or 60% (the least i could give) of my attention goes to the television.

Last Saturday, my sister, my brother's bestfriend and I went to Indonesia. My sister woke me up at 6AM and I was so exhausted at the airport coz I only slept for four hours and my class ended so late the day before, so when we finally got to the ferryboat going to Bintan Island, I immediately buried my face with my bag to get some rest. A couple of minutes later, I heard people murmuring, I looked up and saw that it was... yep, you're right. Television. It was playing those tourist videos and things you would like to do when you're in the island. I became too engrossed with the video that I forgot about being tired. When the video finally stopped, I let out a huge sigh of relief and went back to sleeping. Then another couple of minutes later, I heard Century Fox's intro tune. (I'll give you the link incase you forgot. Click this.) My mind went berserk, the first thing that came to my mind was "please let it be a lame movie about kung fu or one of those really old documentaries" when I saw the movie title, I was both giddy and irritated. Giddy because it's Alvin and the chipmunks and irritated because I need my goddamn sleep but I can't with all these singing chipmunks infront of me that are too cute to ignore.

When we arrived in Bintan Island, the people who are suppose to meet us and take us to the resort where we're staying forgot to put our names in the guest list causing a little bit of irritation on my part because they were asking for a lot of questions and the guy kept on laughing because he was talking to someone else and in my head I was like, "can you please focus on your job because we're exhausted and we just want to get to our hotels and get some rest." but no, he was interrogating us and stuff and that's really annoying because 1.) why would we approach you in the first place if we didn't book ahead, and 2.) we're tourists and we do not know any other things except for that one resort we put all our trust in taking us to the right place. Irritated and tired, I walked away and let my sister do the talking. Eventually everything got settled and they let us proceed to the tour bus without saying sorry, those assholes.

When we got to the resort, all the negative energy started to go away. There were people dancing outside the hotel to welcome us and they gave us free drinks (which I hesitated to drink because the color was weird and it tastes funny) in the reception. Then when I asked about their wifi, they said they didn't have any internet connections (and phone signals) because the island is for people to relax and just enjoy nature. I got worried at first because I have papers to do for school but hey, I think I deserve some time to relax & have fun. :)

So to sum it all up coz I have tons of paper to do, a trip to a beautiful island in Indonesia (with no internet connection and signal) was just what I needed before I start killing myself with all the school works and my finals in two weeks. Indonesia was wonderful. I had a great time at the resort. It was really quiet and pristine and it made me miss home so much. Indonesia is very much similar to the Philippines. That's where I grew up and I love the Philippines. So I think I'm in love with Indonesia too. ♡

Thank you Nirwana Beach Club. A big hug for you. ;)

It's Friday!!!

2011-02-18T18:55:00.000+08:00

Had the usual boring Drawing class this morning. But hey, meet my friend Siti :)

I love weekends! ♡

Areyoufuckingkiddingme.

2011-02-16T14:04:00.000+08:00

I just heard that last Monday (Valentines Day) the teachers gave out free condoms during our lecture. HAHAHA Grown ups and their ridiculous paranoia. Thank God I didn't go to school that day.

February 9 and today.

2011-02-15T19:34:00.000+08:00

The following blog entries're stuff that happened on February 9 (which is the day I am gonna remember for the rest of my life) and today, February 15 (just because I brought my camera to school and took pictures ~_~) The rest of the days after and before February 9 were uneventful and boring, and yes including Valentines day.

February 9.

There's something about the number nine thats just super lucky to me. I got Taylor Swift tickets! Her concert's also in

that night and I was so lucky to get a ticket from this guy I found in the Taylor Swift in Singapore Facebook page. I went to the concert alone though coz my sister was busy with her work but nevertheless, I still sang my heart out to every T-Swift song. It was amazing. She is so stunning up close, I can't believe she's that beautiful. I wasn't able to meet her face to face though, pssh famous people. :| But I did get to meet her Dad. And he's really tall!

February 9, 2011 Singapore Indoor Stadium

The first stop of Taylor's Speak Now World Tour!

February 14.

I'm just gonna post the shirt I made for Valentines Day cause I'm bitter. Ha! ;)

February 15

I only had one class today and my friend Siti was having her report. I took a series of pictures of her and I'm still editing it right now so maybe I'll post them in the next blog entry. The pictures below are the ones I took today at class, the takuyaki, and photos while I was in the bus going home. (the good ones at least haha :D)

I spotted my lucky number today. And also my initial. It haunts me everywhere I go, in a good way. ;)

***

Me: Hey I'm alone! Take a picture, take a picture quick!!

*click*

Yay! First elevator picture. Ha! ;)

MY HEAD.

2011-02-05T18:52:00.000+08:00

There's something bugging my head right now and my mind's going insane trying to figure it out. I shall come back to this post when my mind's not functioning like a one of those Energizer bunny on crack.

I swear to god this idea in my head right now is relevant to society. Or not. But I swear it's relevant. And makes sense. Well something like that.

Update: (Feb 6 12:36PM)

HAHAHAHA WHAT AN IDIOT! I should've wrote little keywords for that thingy I was thinking. Now I do not remember the entire flow of my idea. All together now (with a british accent) "SHTUPID GIRL!"

The Pinhole Camera.

2011-02-02T14:04:00.000+08:00

Since I missed my last Photography class this morning coz of that stupid snooze button, I'd like to dedicate this blog entry to my Photography teacher (but having someone punch me in the ovaries is highly appreciated too because I deserve such cruel punishment.)

My Photography class is mostly Film and working in dark rooms. Last Jan 19 was the first day we went outside and took pictures using a Pinhole Camera.

People who do not know what's a Pinhole Camera doesn't know how complicated it is to use one. I used a shoebox as my camera and this is my first successful shot after like 5 attempts. I got a high mark that day. :)

This is the Negative image from the Pinhole Camera (from the shoebox in my case.)

and then turned into a Positive image using the enlarger.

"Who would believe that so small a space could contain the image of all the universe?

O might process!

What talent can avail to penetrate a nature such as these?

What tongue will it be that can unfold so great a wonder?

Verily, none!

This it is that guides the human discourse to the considering of divine things.

Here the figures, here the colors, here all the images of every part of the universe are contracted to a point.

O what a point is so marvelous!"

- Leonardo Da Vinci's comments on the "Camera Obscura" (Dark Room),

or what we today call the pinhole camera.

♡

Paint me a song.

2011-01-31T13:00:00.001+08:00

close your eyes

feel the rhythm

take a brush

feel the rush

paint me a song

the one you've been feeling all along.

JAN262011 Paint me a song.

by acrylic paint mixed with water

A5 size watercolor paper

Lights, Camera, Bokeh!

2011-01-30T16:00:00.000+08:00

I tried Bokeh for the first time last night. (picture above)

There was this really drunk guy that jumped out of his building (i don't know what floor) at about 2AM last night. There were medics outside my lawn and I can't help but just laugh at how stupid his actions were. I think he broke his arm coz I saw photos from my sister's camera. It's really nasty so I won't post it here. You're welcome =P

Anyway, I took photos of other things instead. Like this bokeh shot. :)

This is my first time so please.. just be nice. :D And the composition of the picture is messed up so just don't mind that. I just wanna take photos of the lights and I'm so amazed by how it turned out.

I also researched a couple of stuff about Bokeh and I found out that you can make your own filters. It's pretty cool. You can make them look like this:

So I'm prolly gonna make my own filter when I have time. These bokeh shots are really pretty. ♡

Don't ever Google yourself.

2011-01-28T18:39:00.000+08:00

I came across this website while I was searching something in Google.

It's mega weird that my name's in this article about Miley Cyrus. ~_~

Click this.

Walking on the happy side :)

2011-01-27T18:47:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling giddy today because there's a new episode of The Vampire Diaries tonight and my favorite person in the internet posted a new video in his YouTube channel and it's a Friday tomorrow and it's almost February and February = A new Glee episode! ASDFJKLKASJDLVKAJSDLFJAKLSF WHAT IS SADNESS ♡

WHAZZAP!

2011-01-25T15:33:00.000+08:00

I'm in class right now. And blogging. How evil. Haha!

We're having this activity where you travel and stuff, so here I am. I'm travelling to Blogspot. :)

P.S. This is also a i-hate-school-why-the-f*ck-am-i-here blogpost.

I see all these students and I don't get why they're so happy and committed in their work. I see tired faces all the time and they're tired because of staying up all night doing school projects while my version of being tired is because I'm so sick of school. I'm such a lazy ass bitch and all I want to do is escape school, sleep late, watch vampires diaries and whine all the f*cking time about school work. I need to change my attitude towards school but I have nobody here to encourage me to focus on school. So why the heck am I here.

See that? I hate how I f*ckin whine like a five year old.

Please Don't Give Blogging A Bad Name.

2011-01-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

Please take time to read this. Good article.

The Big Bad Blogger.

2011-01-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

I got my camera back so I'll be putting up pictures here soon. Maybe. Ever since a lot of the people I know are into Photography, it just made me not interested in Photography anymore. I just don't like it when I'm doing the exact same thing as millions of other people. I'm not gonna post a lot of pictures here though coz I have my tumblr for that. This blog is mostly about my thoughts (mostly rants) and what not.

And that camera right above there is not mine by the way. I tried to look for a picture of me holding my Canon Powershot S31S but my Multiply's being an ass.

Credit for the picture and the camera I'm holding: Ella Tingcang

Tumblr's on maintenance. And Blogger's my mistress.

2011-01-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

Tumblr decided to shut down on me so I'm now coming back to blogger. I find this strange though. Why do people never seem to be contented with one. When you love something and it won't love you back, does that mean you have to move on and go find someone else to give your heart to? Isn't that just making a complete fool out of yourself? Well I'm blogging this one because my head's on fire and I'm thinking of a lot of stuff again.

My tumblr broke down and I love tumblr and I could've just waited for it to finish that maintenance cleaning crap but no, I came here, to blogger, coz I just couldn't wait. Isn't that just the same in falling in love? When you love someone and that someone chose to fall inlove with someone else, do you walk away or do you still stay - even if there is no hope left? Why do we stay? Why can't we just let it be? If it's really love and if it's real then it'll find its way, right? But no, in the end, it's not about how much you suffered, but how much you loved that person. How much hurt you're willing to take, you're willing to absorb, you're willing to suck it all in. Maybe I'm just stubborn, I'm being stupid, and most of all, I'm being this lame ass victim of love. i have absolutely no idea if this will all get better soon, I'm a pessimist and I don't believe in God. Heck I don't believe in anything, but I believe in love. It's such a messy risk to take. Selfish, actually. But I'm staying. I'm staying right where you left me, broken and alone. I'm hoping you'd turn around, think for just a minute, reconsider. But deep down inside, I know that's not what I want. If you come back, I want it to be your decision. I don't want it to be coming from a stupid 11:11 wish or all those desperate wishes. I want it to be you and just you.

Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic right now but I cannot find any other situation that is more emotionally painful than loving someone with so much enthusiasm and passion, while he, unfortunately, is in love and hurting for somebody else. Well except for death and what not, that's also really painful but that's a totally different story.

So um, I need to end this coz I've been blabbering four paragraphs now and if you really look into it, I shouldn't let this get into my system in the first place because first, I'm stressing over something inevitable and second, when I read through this again when I'm okay and when I'm not emotionally immature anymore, I might want to punch myself in the face for my very stupid and absolutely immature behavior.

GRRR. WHAT IS LOVE AND WHY DOES IT HAVE TO INTERVENE AND RUIN MY MOOD ALL THE F*CKIN TIME!

Update:

"my head is bursting with emotions. like fire and rain, thunderstorms and hurricanes, all coinciding with each other, creating the biggest and bloodiest war of love and misery."
I wanted to post this in my facebook but he's online and I don't want him to sense weakness. Haaaay. The secrecy of private blogs. :)

Last Update:

"There has to be an easier way to let go, move on and learn from all those mistakes. When you really think about it, there's actually more suffering than being happy with someone you really love."
I told you my head's bursting with emotions. I have a feeling I'm not yet done with this madness.

2010-08-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

DELETED THE REST OF MY POSTS COZ I MADE THOSE WHEN I WAS TWELVE HAHA

twitter anyone?

www.twitter.com/reekamanreza09

busy with school.
see you. x

some countdown for something I do not remember anymore. T_T

2009-12-27T22:18:00.000+08:00